The most damaging of all emotions that quell up in human minds are those of insecurity. They disrupt any attempt on a person’s part to feel like a beautiful, well-rounded, satisfied whole, they are the demons that we battle in the darkness of our minds, even when we’re standing in soft sunshine.
Are they self created? Where do they end? Do we sustain them consciously?
Added to our daily hassles, therefore, are a trove of debilitating doubts: “Am I pretty?”, “Why am I so dumb?”, “What am I doing with my life?”, “I am such a loser.”, “Nobody wants to be friends with me.”, “Does my partner love me anymore?”. And the list of doubts goes on and on. It’s a miserable sickness of decapitating one’s strengths and encouraging one’s weaknesses to fester. I am not implying that insecurities are of a human’s own creation and that there are no deplorable external factors that haven’t conditioned the arousal of many of these insecurities. What I am saying here is that we can choose to convert all that negativity into a positive force. Yes, by choice. Choice is that key to a door that unlocks all those possibilities necessary to realize our best selves. Choice helps us battle the most adverse of the circumstances. Choices, coupled with a little sassy smartness, have done wonders quintessentially. And therefore, there are no insecurities that cannot be battled against, if you decide to do away with them. Banish them from your mind and soul, once and for all.
No one is free from insecurities, everyone has some. It is an irrationality that exists in us, in different variables. No man is exempt from it. So in your struggle with your insecurities, be assured that you are not alone. We all have issues, we all experience numbing pain, some are easier to deal with, some are more difficult. But the pain can be dealt with. Let’s walk through how:
10. Get to the root of the matter
Understand your insecurities. Why are you insecure? What is the core issues that are bugging you? Is it work? Love? Self image? For you to successfully eliminate insecurities from your life, you need to begin with knowing which area of your life you want to deal with. Once you isolate the root, the beginning of the problem, charting the path becomes easier. If you are too confused about how to go about this kind of probing, an effective thing to do is to write down everything that has happened, that you feel, that comes to mind. Bleed it out through your pen. And try to see clearly what the source of your problem is.
9. Detect the moments when you feel insecure
Again, not so easy. Sounds very far fetched right? But it isn’t. If you have made a strong decision to actually eliminate your insecurities and have identified what they are, the next step is to build a kind of a radar, whose alarms will go off whenever the insecurities start to creep in. The idea is this – you know your insecurities, thus you know what you need to deal with, what is undesirable, what you need to fight, to eliminate. And yes, when. Whenever you find yourself wallowing over the same things, you will understand the contexts and agencies that provoke the insecurity to disrupt your self. Those are the triggers you have to work against.
8. Self Help is good help.
The power to help yourself lies in you. Once you decide to do away with your insecurities, map out the triggers that cause the discomfort and anxiety in your mind, you can definitely try to heal yourself. There are a lot of self help programs that you can look up online and also books that will motivate you to eliminate the insecurities breeding in you. Taking a conscious initiative involves acknowledging one’s own self as a friend and gathering the strength to involve yourself into a routine that does away with old habits, which hamper productivity and disturb your consciousness, a refreshed lifestyle that will sooth your anxious mind.
7. Take up a new hobby. Or learn a new skill.
An idle mind is a devil’s workshop. If the epigram gains any weight-age quintessentially, it is because of how much it rings true. When you are idle, it is often haunted by the most irrational of the thoughts, it feeds on the lack of productivity and generates restlessness, anxiety and depression. Taking up a hobby or learning a new skill will not only help you make fruitful use of time during leisure but also make you feel good about yourself, for you will be doing something you love. Renew your old interests or add a fresh twist to your life by taking up a new interest like reading, photography, dance classes, pottery, origami, learning new languages etc. Options are numerous. There is something for everyone. Hobbies will not suppress your insecurities, they will help deal with them by adding a sense of purpose and meaning through pleasure in your life.
6. Invest Yourself to a charitable Cause
Doing good brings goodwill. There are a lot of disadvantaged people on earth who need some comfort, some care, some love. And you can extend that helping hand by taking an initiative for a charitable cause that appeals to you the most. Spending quality time doing something charitable will ease your insecurities by helping you understand how much suffering there can be on earth and how some small insecurities should not deter you from fighting the bigger battles in life and overcome hardships against many odds. It is also a good use of your leisure time, a good hobby to have and will nurture benevolence and appreciation for the good things in life. By helping others in need you will find that you are helping yourself too.
5. Examine what improvements you can make at your workspace. Hate your Job? Quit it.
If you are facing any kind of insecurity about your work life, you must examine what factors are perpetrating that and how you can subdue your insecurities to realize the achiever that you were born to be. Pressure at workspace and competition can create a whole new level of insecurities in your brain that feed on your fear of failure and render a sense of helplessness in one. There is no problem that cannot be dealt with, that doesn’t have a solution. Having unrealistic expectations about oneself also creates trouble. So restructure your work life in a fashion that gives you the best pleasure and productivity at the same time. Worst case scenario, if your office and job is sucking the life out of you, you should quit. But don’t be rash about quitting, have a plan, back up and vision about what you want to do next while sustaining your integrity and happiness.
4. Spend time with your friends and family. Talk to them.
Often in life we detach ourselves from everything around us and close in within ourselves, retreat into a shell. The fast paced, modern materialistic life often deprives us of the warmth of a human touch, the love that enmeshes us and we loose memory of gradually because of our preoccupation with superficial needs of money and fancy sophistication. We end up feeling so lonely. Spend more time online, feeding the illusion of a virtual reality instead of meeting up and spending quality time with actual friends and family who care about us. So if you are feeling ignored, left out, lonely, reach out and spend time with the people you love, people who love you. People who matter, who cherish you will respond to your call. Talk about your issues with people whom you can trust. That way you can gain their support and eliminate the treachery of self doubt from your life.
3. Exercise. Make changes to your wardrobe. Love Yourself.
Looking good helps you feel good. It does not involve looking like a supermodel. It involves staying healthy, embrace one’s own body, the beauty that radiates through our smiles, finds home in the innocence of our hearts, sparkles in our eyes. It involves feeling good about your place on earth, about the body you live in, appreciating it and projecting that appreciation for everyone to see and appreciate in turn. Make some active changes in your lifestyle for a better physical aptitude, stop frowning about what’s wrong in your physique, add elements from your wardrobe that accentuate your good parts. One of the most common insecurities that people suffer from is a negative self-image. Which, honestly, is a total sham. Because you must love yourself for who you are. And you are beautiful.
2. Be more Vocal. When in doubt, ask. Clarify. Say NO to Abuse.
Do not let your insecurities rob you of your voice. A lot of insecurities arise from lack of communication and misunderstandings with people around us, and even within ourselves. It is necessary to be articulate about what you want, what you need, what makes you happy. That bestows the power to navigate and choose on you. It is after all your life and your choice, everything else comes second. A breakdown of communication that results in insecurity is especially seen in relationships. So, that feeling of distance between partners or friends can actually be comfortably dealt with if two people sit down and have a solid talk, be honest and open, and be agreeable to the possible resolutions through negotiations.
Also, never ever ever ever tolerate abuse. Any persistent demeaning behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable and insecure must be rejected. When you give chance to abuse, you let yourself be prone to injury. No circumstance on earth can justify abuse and harassment. Remember abuse needs to be shunned, the perpetrator punished and the victim be brought to justice.
1. See a Therapist
There is no shame in seeking professional help. They are in practice, they spend years studying human psychology because they can deal better with issues that you have a rough time spotting or trying to remedy. They facilitate the cure, they give you the stepping stones to rebuild your insecurity free persona. If you are worried about how people will perceive your seeking of therapeutic help, chase away that shame and guilt. It’s irrational. What matters is you, your emotional and psychological well being that should be free from any belittling thoughts or irrelevant anxiousness. If your insecurity is severely affecting your life, your overall productivity and your health, most importantly if you feel morbid and suicidal, seeking counseling is a must.
Apart from these there are a few things you should practice. First, never compare yourself with anyone because you are most definitely unique and beautiful. And second, never take anything or anyone for granted. No insecurity on earth can cripple you completely. Finally, never blame yourself excessively, especially for something that isn’t under your cirect control.There is a solution to very problem, especially through direct action. Through a calm and systematic approach, you can easily pull yourself up from the downward spiral of insecurities and the trauma they cause you. You deserve a happy life, because you deserve to have all the happiness on earth.