You will not be punished for your anger. You will be punished by your anger. – Buddha.
A child grows up and learns from his environment. Since the very beginning, he tries to imitate his elders. He starts speaking like them. It is basic human tendency that he imbibes the abrogating qualities of a person faster than the positive ones. He sees his parents shouting at each other in wrath, no matter how much they love each other. Soon, he becomes like them and serves his untamable anger! Everyone has different ways of expressing their anger. Every single person reacts in a different manner to different situations. Some people redirect their anger towards unstoppable productivity. Whereas, most people let anger overpower their lives.
Anger is a basic human emotion that gets triggered if the external situations don’t run according to us. The interesting thing is that if there are two angry people unhappy with each other, both of them feel a sense of loss, unfairness, pain and the need to blame the other person. Who is right? In this case, both are right and both are wrong.
But letting anger take control over you can lead to devastations, both within yourself and to the person concerned. We all have been slaves to our wrath. If you are someone who’s having to face occasional stressful days which ruins you mentally, if you’re someone who has too much to deal with your emotions and find it impossible to slow down your fury, if you’re someone who is fighting a battle within yourself; Then you’re on the right page. Here’s a list of 10 simple and easy ways to control your anger –
10. RECOGNISE YOUR ANGER SIGNS AND QUESTION YOURSELF – Most of us, get angry for lame reasons without knowing the entire situation properly. Ask yourself. What is it that is making me mad? Is it because my parents scolded me for using my phone too much? But the thing is, we know where we’re going wrong. And as soon as someone pinpoints it, we go mad with fury. C’mon, let us be sensible and think rationally. If I scold my husband for not reaching home on time, that wouldn’t change the situation. That would only distance us and lead us into a big fight due to a silly reason. If I shout at my grandma for asking me the same thing again and again, that would only make her sad and cause her pain in old age. I am bound to understand her forgetfulness and handle the situation with a calm mind.
9. JUST ADMIT IT – Many people think that acknowledging your anger means acting inappropriately towards it. This is not true. Psychologists have suggested that admitting your rage, owning it, can in fact work towards validating your feelings. There’s a conflict going on within ourselves when we’re enraged. We should rather accept it and speak to ourselves, “Okay, I know I’m angry. I don’t wish to be, though. Let’s try to resolve this so that I don’t regret my actions later on.” We tend to drag anything for the sake of “winning” or being the good person. Sometimes, it’s okay to accept our flaws in front of the other person and admit that we’re at fault. We assume that it would make us seem like a small person. But the truth is, admission makes us the bigger person, the humble one, the truthful and the honest one.
8. BREATHE IN … BREATHE OUT – Most of us are cursory breathers. Scientists have proved that breathing exercises can relax our mind and soul. It’s a simple procedure. We just need to close our eyes, breathe in positivity and breathe out negativity. Breathing in oxygen can help our brains receive purified air, thus transferring it to the rest of the body. This process purifies us internally and controls us when we react to the situation externally. We need to calm the noise of our mental space and silent the venomous demons inside us. A few minutes of silence can work wonders.
7. THINK YOURSELF TO BE A THIRD PERSON AND JUDGE – When we think ourselves to be the third person, we become aware of our own needs. This works for people who spend their lives proving themselves to other people. And that makes 80% of the world who are tolling hard to fulfill the expectations of the society. We often make better decisions when we put our feet in the other person’s shoe. Just imagine this, “Would you like to hear vengeful words for a mere mistake? Would you be happy if you were blamed because of a misunderstanding? Would you like it if you were made to feel guilty in a game where both are right as well as wrong?” Of course, you wouldn’t. Unless you’re a robot.
6. OFFER A WARNING – If there’s a person who constantly gets to you and irritates the hell out of you. Just stay away from that person when he does so. Or, you can also offer a warning beforehand by explaining a person who’s on the verge of instigating your inner vindictive rascals. Just let him know that so and so statements of his made you angry. This is so much better than starting a fight which can turn out to be unhealthy, since most of them are.
5. LAUGH OUT LOUD – Yes, I’m serious. It is said that Rage occurs when oxytocin, vasopressin, and corticotrophin-releasing hormone are rapidly released from the hypothalamus. So, why not tickle your funny bones and laugh at the situation you’re in. It’s a proven fact that when an angry person laughs, his anger gets subsided and he’s filled with humor which can take care of the tension amidst polluted air.
4. SCRIBBLE IT OUT – Instead of hurting other person’s emotions, it’s better to scribble on a sheet of paper. Many people scribble until they finish their ink. Somehow, blotted papers are more affordable than blotted relationships. I used to create a list of things that got on my nerve and I tried to rectify myself. It helped me build healthier relationships which lasted long due to lesser conflicts and arguments.
3. GO! BURN SOME CALORIES – Since childhood, we’ve been told to turn our negative energy into positive. But, how many of us actually follow it? It’s important to use the outburst in something productive. No matter how difficult it is, it’s unbelievably impactful. Many people control their anger and wait till they hit the gym. When you work out, you find a motivation to do so. I used to imagine the punching bag to be my enemy and I would box it until I felt better. So, keep that creased forehead and outrageous attitude for your gym and save your relationship.
2. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS – Not everyone provide open ears to sad stories and pent-ups. But those who do so, can be of great help. Sharing your feelings and venting out your frustrations to a person you trust, can sometimes be cathartic. So, the next time you’re angry, just pause and go to the trustworthy. You can lament over things which break you and shake you and they wouldn’t judge you!
1. AVOID USING “DON’T, NO, NOT” – Rhonda Byrne wrote that ‘thoughts become things’. Language is a really powerful thing and it can affect our minds, unknowingly. It’s preferable to use positive words instead of negative ones. Getting angry due to immovable negated thoughts has ruined more lives than any apocalypse, in this furious world. So, try saying “I want peace”, instead of saying “I don’t want war”.