A relationship is build when you promise to keep someone and hold someone in sickness and health. A bond of trust, care and most importantly love is like a flower which needs to be nurtured with sparkling droplets of respect. Please don’t forget that a ray of vengeance can part two souls meant to stay together. There is no bigger blessing than finding a right man for yourself and here by “right man” I don’t have any personality related or monetary associated intensions. A right and a complete man for a woman is someone who has at least this much wit to understand that “a woman is like a rose, if you treat her right she will bloom, if you don’t she will wilt.” But what about a man who is just a heartless phallic being? Have you had an encounter with such a being? Is your man treating you in a way you deserve? Are you in an abusive relationship?
Have you ever tries to take any step against it? If no, read on! This might open the folds of your crumpled mind!
- CONVEY THEM!
Communication is the key to a successful relationship. Try to have a less heated conversation with your husband and convey them that you are not comfortable with the kind-off behaviour that he shows. If he tries to change, support him. Don’t lay undue pressure of taunts on his head. But if he tries to get violent again convey him in whatever way you like that you are not going to tolerate any bullshit from now on. Be ready to use harsh terms like STOP IT! Or DON’T TOUCH ME without being afraid. If you think that staying silent will save your relationship, then I am really sorry to say that you are sadly mistaken! Staying silent in my opinion is just like “giving a butcher a slaughter knife” and I guess you know what is going to happen next!
- ASK ELDERS FOR HELP
You might have heard “What happens inside the family stays inside the family.” Well! if you are a supporter of this notion, have you ever given a thought that this simple thought can change your life forever, if you have an abusive partner? Have you ever asked his parents or your parents or someone with greater wisdom to help you? NO, right? I’m sure such thoughts are rare in this violent world. Try it. Sometimes all a relationship needs is the magical touch of wisdom and soothing healing of experience.
- PROFESSIONAL HELP
Thanks to Sigmund Freud (father of psychology) we have professionally trained people that can help people stuck in an abusive relationship. It has been proved in many studies that being in an unsatisfactory and abusive relationship can destroy your mental and emotional balance badly. But don’t worry! You have a solution. Visit a psychiatrist. Ask him to come along. Try to get to the root cause of such behaviour.it has been found that men who are not able to cope up from mental pressure tend to abuse women physically and sexually more often. Seeking help from a psychiatrist might help in this situation. Professionals can also help mentally and emotionally tormented sufferers to cope up from the harsh experiences they have had in their lives.
- KNOW YOUR RIGHTS
My dear ladies, please raise your voice against any injustice laid upon you without fearing. We too have set of rights in our share thankfully! Use them. They are not written to be decorated on walls but to be implemented.” According to law, each and every human being is equal in the eyes of law and can’t be discriminated on the basis of colour, caste, creed and gender. Know your rights, don’t allow yourself to be treated in degraded manner. Don’t avoid even a single incident of physical abuse or be ready to be grilled every day.
- RECIPROCATION IS NOT THE SOLUTION
Many of us are bit more aggressive than the usual lot. If I talk about myself, I too am the one who can be included in this category. But anger or aggressiveness will not yield anything except worsening of the situation. If your husband is abusive he might provoke you to react in the same manner but don’t get trapped. Such people try to do it in order to reduce their risk of being accused or penalised by law. Have patience. Try to control the situation by avoiding heated arguments or situations. It would be even better if you cut ties till the time law decides what is appropriate for you to do next.
- KEEP YOUR SAFETY FIRST
As I earlier suggested that communication is the key to any relationship, so talking to him would surely help you but keep this in mind that you don’t have to risk yourself in order to save the relationship. Keep your safety first. If your husband is violent beast, try to stay away from him or be ready to defend yourself in any situation. Always keep your mobile phone in hand, it is not meant only to forward flirty messages rather it can be your martyr! Keep someone informed about your situation so that he/she can approach you as soon as you find yourself landing in trouble.
- DON’T BE A MARIONETTE
The most important thing that we need to realise is that we all are the members of this society and not the marionettes of it! Despite of the introduction of concepts like modernism, thinking and mind set of this society is still the same. They still blame woman for an inappropriate relationship. We women as educated beings of this society need to realise that listening to what people say and working upon on the same is just like being a puppet that dances when the master moves his fingers. React and respond! Don’t be shy to come out of your houses for filing complaints against your “supposed God.” Just ignore what people say. You are the master of your own will. Don’t let people drive you.
- CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS.
I’ve heard and read stories associated with people trapped in an abusive relationship. The biggest thing I’ve come across is that people hesitate and face dilemmas. They feel “If it is correct to call off one such union which was meant to stay forever?” But guys trust me the root cause of your dilemmas and pain is your own habit of over-thinking. Do not allow unnecessary thoughts to pile up. If it’s not working, it’s the time to move on! You are not destroying sanctity of any relationship, you are just prioritising your wellbeing.
- TRUST YOURSELF
Before asking anyone for help, you need to realise that “I deserve much better!” and you will do what is required automatically. Don’t underestimate yourself, trust yourself and ask yourself “what do you really want to do with life now?” decide and pursue. Follow the path that pleases you even if it involves standing alone against what is wrong. Don’t allow thoughts like “I’ve no way out now” or I’m trapped or “what can I do now if my husband is not supporting me” pop in your head.
- UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE
Being with someone who doesn’t appreciates you for being you in your present just for the sake of the past that once existed like the name of rulers in old history books is actually like being a stupid. Ladies please understand that you can’t force him to love you back just because you love him dearly. Don’t beg for something that you deserve. Understand that there is a difference between “being loved and waiting to be loved.” You are that one person who can take stand for yourself, don’t allow yourself to be subservient to any jerk just because society stamped him to be superior.
Think and act! Look for a smarter version of yourself.
REQUEST: Dear Men,
If you can’t be her knight in shining armour, please don’t be a desolate dream she is afraid to see.